RANT Doesn't Make Rent.

Or Mortgage, either way. These past couple of weeks I've been so stressed out, impatient, melancholic, and nervous. In a way I want to move out of Arizona, just start over, fresh start, not knowing anyone or anything. Not worry about who I'm going to bump into, or what guy from the past I'm going to see, not worry about telling my friends why I don't want to go out--but at the same time I want to stay here, not move a thing, be the same, live in the same place, etc. I guess many people have this thoughts--many people I know, they just want to move, it doesn't matter if the grass is greener over there but they (we) just want a fresh start. I'm just tired of the people, schools, Arizona's stubbornness, etc. I don't know what else is there, I don't know if it's harder or easier, I don't know if it will get me to where I want, but why not try?

Maybe it's the summer, and how this always happens to me, but like I said, I've been so stressed out lately that by the end of the day all I want to do is go to sleep or watch t.v. and not worry about a thing, turn off my cell and just slowly fall asleep. I feel like a shitty friend for not texting any of my close friends and asking them what is going with them, and I feel like I'm pushing all these great people away--but I can't even stand hearing myself thinking, and by the time I write the text, I'm too tired to think about keeping a conversation so I rather not do it. Hopefully, my friends will understand later on.

I haven't spent any money, I haven't gone out to parties, I haven't done anything that gave me pleasure because what would give me the biggest satisfaction is just unreachable. You know, maybe you read this, and I know you think I'm really insecure, and I'm not confident about myself--and truth is, that I am not at the moment, I'm really vulnerable to anything and therefore whenever I'm done ranting about this sort of stuff, I just tell myself to get my act together and suck it up, because there is no other way to get to the other side of town if you don't walk through the shitty roads.